<?php
require("../../inc/header.php");
/*
SoftName : EmpireBak Version 2010
Author : wm_chief
Copyright: Powered by www.phome.net
*/
DoSetDbChar('gbk');
E_D("replace into `dede_addonarticle` values('437','1','\n1、呼吸频率测试:请将你男朋友或者老公的头,完全浸入清水里十分钟,然后将其平放在地板上,快速对其做人工呼吸。如在五分钟内将其救醒,则说明你呼吸频率良好;如在十分钟内将其救醒,则说明你呼吸频率一般;如在三十分钟内未将其救醒,请拨打120电话。<br />\n<br />\n <br />\n 2、肺活量测试:在一人多之处,施放一恶臭之屁,然后迅捷蹲下身体,深深呼吸。如身旁无人掩鼻,则说明你肺活量良好;如有人掩鼻,则你应快速逃离现场,并在无人之处,运用以上方法抓紧练习肺活量。<br />\n<br />\n <br />\n 3、邻居友好度测试:请在凌晨4点正,打开所有窗户,将音响调至中等音量,以卡拉OK的方式,用声嘶力竭的唱法演唱《一无所有》。如邻居没有不良反应,则邻居友好度为100;如听见“神经、变态、xxxx”等回声,则邻居友好度为50;如听见由远至近的110警笛声,则需迅速关闭音响,钻进被窝,并可依此判断,你与邻居的友好度为0。<br />\n<br />\n <br />\n 4、自我魅力测试:请在繁华街头,高声大喊三次:我是单身!如有五位以上的男士前来询价,则你魅力为100;如有五位以上的男士对你进行嘲笑,则说明你的魅力为50;如无人问津,则建议你最好减少出门露面的次数。<br />\n<br />\n <br />\n 5、皮肤弹性测试:请将一跳蚤放在皮肤上,在跳蚤跳起后,测量其跳过的高度,每天进行统计。如跳蚤跳起的高度呈逐天递增时,则说明你皮肤弹性良好;如跳起的高度呈逐天递减时,则说明你皮肤弹性较差;如跳蚤摔死了,则说明你皮肤没有弹性。<br />\n<br />\n <br />\n 6、判断鸡蛋新鲜法:请将需判定的鸡蛋放在怀里,无论如何不要让该鸡蛋表面的温度低于30摄氏度。十五天后,如该鸡蛋已敷出小鸡,则说明该鸡蛋是新鲜的;如未敷出小鸡,则说明该鸡蛋是不新鲜的;如该鸡蛋破碎,请食之。<br />\n<br />\n <br />\n 7、懒惰自我测试:请在睡觉前,一次性喝下十公升纯净水。在第二天清晨时,如发现床褥上没有水渍,则说明你很勤奋;如有三滩以下的水渍,则说明你一般勤奋;如有三滩以上的水渍,则说明你很懒惰。<br />\n<br />\n <br />\n 8、牙齿强度测试:请用你的牙齿咬住你男朋友或者老公的手臂,并逐渐用力,在你男朋友或者老公发出喊叫的同时,迅速用噪音测量仪测量其喊叫的分贝。如测量值高于100分贝,则说明你牙齿强度100;如测量值在50至80之间,则说明你牙齿强度为50;如测量值为0,请带你男朋友或者老公去医院检查其痛感神经。<br />\n<br />\n <br />\n 9、排泄功能测试:请在出大恭之时,携带2开32版当地报纸一套。当你看完报纸的三分之一时,完成出恭,则排泄功能良好;当你看完报纸的一半内容时,完成出恭,则你排泄功能一般;当你把报纸的所有内容翻来覆去地看了三遍,还未完成出恭时,建议你重新判断是否有出恭的欲望。\n ','','','127.0.0.1');");
E_D("replace into `dede_addonarticle` values('438','1','\n 1.遇见口臭的~~<br />\n 口臭的原因是多种多样的,有的因为喝酒,有的因为抽烟,如果碰到刚吃完大蒜的,再啃两根黄瓜,<br />\n 跟他KISS就跟和拍黄瓜接吻差不多的感觉~~不是很爽!~<br />\n 【解决方法】<br />\n A吻前刷牙,吃口香糖。<br />\n B把自己弄感冒,闻不见心不烦.<br />\n C自己也吃大蒜,以毒攻毒~~~<br />\n<br />\n 2.遇见流鼻涕的~~<br />\n 大部分接吻的时候都是闭上眼睛享受的,如果情到深处来上那么两滴眼泪,实在是动人心魂,情深意切~<br />\n 但如果睁开眼睛,发现是两行垂垂欲滴的鼻涕,那就大煞风景了!~~<br />\n 【解决方法】<br />\n A吻前先量体温,醒鼻涕。<br />\n B吧对方鼻孔用胶布堵住,副作用是容易处人命。<br />\n C在大冬天接吻,鼻涕冻住了,流不下来~~<br />\n<br />\n 3.遇见打嗝的~~<br />\n 接吻是个幸福甜蜜的事情,需要营造一个浪漫温馨的环境,如果在两方沉浸在爱情的旋入情不自禁接吻的时候,<br />\n 一方忽然不停的打起了嗝,就很难在坚持下去了~~<br />\n 【解决方法】<br />\n A对着水龙头猛喝水~<br />\n B深呼吸,越深越好,但一次不能超过5分钟,否则后果很严重~~<br />\n C看芙蓉姐姐照片,吓唬自己~~<br />\n<br />\n 4.遇见放屁的~~<br />\n 接吻是个需要情趣的事情,如果两个人正干柴烈火急不可耐接吻的时候,一方控制不住,放了一个一鸣惊人的,<br />\n 又臭又响的屁,那就实在有点尴尬了!~~<br />\n 【解决方法】<br />\n A如果是女方放的,男生大度一点,就说是自己放的~~<br />\n B如果家里有养小狗小猫什么的。就可以嫁祸,就说是小狗放的~~<br />\n C爱情是可以包容一切的,如果连个屁也忍耐不了,那以后还怎么过日子啊,所以,放自己的屁,让别人闻去吧~~<br />\n<br />\n 5遇见不张嘴的~~<br />\n 接吻是个力气活,扭来扭去,上上下下的,如果一方不解风情,死不张嘴,就无法实现KISS的完全互动喝交流,<br />\n 经常是一方拼死拼活,口干舌燥,另一方牙关紧闭,最后的结果只能是一方精疲力尽,另一方满脸口水,<br />\n 毫无成就感和幸福感可言~~<br />\n 【解决方法】<br />\n A咬不张嘴的一方,一疼就叫,一叫就张嘴,见缝插舌,大功告成~~~<br />\n B用舌头撬,经常看电视上很多高人可以用舌头又钻又撬的吧情侣的嘴打开~~<br />\n C找联邦调查局和国家安全局,那都是专门对付守口如瓶,死不开口的主。不开口?大刑伺候~~<br />\n<br />\n 6遇见牙不好的~~<br />\n 接吻的最高阶段是要用到舌头滴,如果一方的牙不好,经常是亲着亲着就听到一声惨叫,<br />\n 一个带血的门牙应声而落,接个吻还喋血,那就得不偿失了~~<br />\n 【解决方法】<br />\n A事先找牙医~~<br />\n B舌头一定要温柔~~<br />\n C给牙齿买保险~~<br />\n<br />\n 7遇见过敏口红~~<br />\n 接吻主要还是嘴对嘴的运动,女生一般都会有涂口红,而口红有很多的类型和品牌,大部分都是无害的,<br />\n 甚至可以食用,但级个别也是会引起过敏反应,那时候女生的口红简直就一生化武器,杀人于无形~~<br />\n 【解决方法】<br />\n A接吻前叫女生先洗脸洗嘴~~<br />\n B接吻前男生拿银针扎女生的嘴唇试毒~~<br />\n C男生把解药涂在自己嘴唇上~~<br />\n<br />\n 8遇见个子高的~~<br />\n 都说身高不是距离,可是身高差距太大,例如姚明和潘长江KISS,就是一项技术含量很高的专业技巧了~~<br />\n 【解决方法】<br />\n A女方助跑,翻跟头和男方接吻,前提要快要准~~<br />\n B女方借助梯子,高跷等辅助工具,登高和男方接吻~~<br />\n C女方穿50~~100厘米的高跟鞋~~\n ','','','127.0.0.1');");
E_D("replace into `dede_addonarticle` values('439','1','\n 人到三十,是件很可怕的事情。这件倒霉事终于让我给碰上了。人到三十,我觉得最要紧的事情,就是自我反省。反省的结果是和十年前相比,我堕落了,生活方式不对劲。但是,要我回到十年前,打死,我也不去。虽然并不觉得现在有多么好,可悲的是,我已经习惯了--可见,习惯是堕落的第一步。<br />\n 1.二十岁的时候,给女朋友写情诗,写小条子.今天晚上你有空吗? 三十岁的时候,给老婆打电话.今天晚上我很忙。<br />\n <br />\n 2.二十岁的时候,觉得自己到了三十岁,肯定已经为人类做出了巨大的贡献。三十岁的时候,看书开始注意名人的年表,喜欢将名人成名的年份,减去他出生的年份。如果小于30这个数字,就很扫兴;如果超过30,就很开心;碰到那种四五十岁才干出点事的例子,就觉得来日方长。<br />\n <br />\n 3.二十岁的时候,觉得自己是个天才,而天才都不必活得太久,简直是越短命越好。三十岁的时候,居然并不打算去上吊。虽然,在这个年纪,雪莱已经淹死了。肺结核患者济慈都死了四年了。<br />\n <br />\n 4.二十岁的时候,去看画展,走到一幅裸女面前,就告诫自己这是艺术,我在审美,康德说审美是不带功利目的的。总之,就怕自己的脑子想到不该想的地方,更怕自己的身体当场耍流氓。三十岁的时候,把性感女郎的图片做成办公室计算机的屏保,在每一个饭桌上说荤段子。<br />\n <br />\n 5.二十岁的时候,觉得一身脏兮兮的牛仔服就帅呆了。<br />\n 三十岁的时候,开始天天烫衬衫,而且清醒地知道:第一,自己再也帅不起来了。第二,自己从来就没有帅过。<br />\n <br />\n 6.二十岁的时候,如果碰上现在的自己,肯定会很厌恶--母亲教育了他那么多年,简直是浪费。<br />\n 而现在的我,看到二十年前的自己,肯定会觉得--我们的教育有问题。<br />\n <br />\n 7.二十岁的时候,可买可不买的书,一律不买。<br />\n 三十岁的时候,可买可不买的书,一律买,成捆成捆的往家里搬。然后这些纸张被堆在地上,像等待接见的客人一样,翘首以盼那位尊贵的读者。<br />\n <br />\n 8.二十岁的时候,大家凑十块钱就可以到小饭店里喝一顿,也不怕喝醉了误事--因为根本就没有事可以误。<br />\n 三十岁的时候,白酒不喝了,喝啤酒, 也不往死里喝了--一个三十岁的人,醉醺醺,晕乎乎,说很多真话,实在不是一件很得体的事情。<br />\n <br />\n 9.二十岁的时候,我们管所有的同学叫鸟人,当然,女同学除外。姓吴的叫吴鸟,姓龙的叫龙鸟--这个鸟,读音和鲁智深嘴里淡出个鸟来的鸟相同,不是什么好字。<br />\n 三十岁的时候,我们管50岁的女人叫小姐,管张阿
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基于PHP的精仿某笑话网站源码.zip
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